Mastering Influence: Guiding Without Overpowering

Does this sound plausible? A room full of brilliant minds gathered to solve a complex problem, using their unique perspectives and experiences, all reach the same conclusion.

I saw it happen firsthand.

At a recent conference I attended, a keynote speaker casually mentioned a business problem their company was facing. The next day, attendees were asked to brainstorm solutions to known industry problems. Interestingly, several groups gravitated toward the same problem the speaker had mentioned. It was a powerful example of how even a passing mention can influence collective thinking, steering teams toward particular solutions.

It makes you wonder: had that example never been given, what other ideas could have emerged from the room?

This story speaks volumes about the power of influence — especially the often-unnoticed influence that leaders can wield. Influence is the ability to shape the thoughts, decisions and actions of others, often without realizing it.

It’s not about force or control but rather about the subtle, sometimes unconscious, effect our words and behavior have on those around us. In his book The Gift of Influence: Creating Life-Changing and Lasting Impact in Your Everyday Interactions, Tommy Spaulding notes that the average person influences 80,000 people over their lifetime. For leaders, that number is likely higher. And yet, most don’t realize how easily their words can shape the thinking and decisions of those around them.

Wielding influence wisely

As leaders, we must become stewards of our influence, recognizing its impact and learning to deploy it thoughtfully. Two cornerstones of being a vulnerable leader are choosing your words wisely and embracing curiosity. The words you use can shape the mindset of your team and unintentionally guide them toward narrow perspectives; they can also create a space for innovation, collaboration and growth.

Being a thoughtful steward of your influence starts with asking yourself three critical questions:

1. Am I aware of the influence I carry in my organization? On my team?
2. Do I know when to use it and when to step back?
3. Am I deliberate about how and why I exert my influence?

Understanding where the line between guiding and controlling is drawn is important. This “internal governor” can help you deploy your influence for the right reasons and in the right way, always with consideration and kindness. Remember, not every situation requires your hand; sometimes, stepping back allows others to thrive. As leaders, our job is to build an environment where others feel empowered to offer their ideas.

Empowering teams to navigate influence

Being leaders doesn’t always mean we are the smartest in the room. In fact, “smart” team building involves surrounding yourself with people who bring different expertise, experiences, perspectives and skills than you. Your job as a leader is to empower and give your team the skills they need to grow.

I’ve always said that I don’t want “yes” people. If everyone on my team agrees with me, I’m only getting the best of me back, and that’s not where innovation and growth happen. Encouraging diverse perspectives means giving your team the tools to challenge ideas, including your own, and empowering them to resist the automatic pull of influence when necessary.

A great example of this is Brown & Brown’s Aspiring Leaders Program. During one of the test cases, I told the participants, “I’m going to send you some notes, but don’t fall for the power of persuasion. Please don’t take the data I’m sharing as the answer. Weigh it just as you would everything else.” My goal was to ensure they wouldn’t let my input override their critical thinking.

With my day-to-day team, I try to provide the same openness. If I catch myself saying, “Here’s an idea,” I make sure to remind them that my input is there to support their thinking, not direct it. It’s a deliberate effort to separate suggestions from directives because guiding our teams to resist the automatic acceptance of influence helps build resilience, independence and, ultimately, better decision-making.

3 strategies to guide and refine your influence

Once you are aware of the power you hold as a leader, learning to manage that power thoughtfully is where the real work begins. You can do this through intentionality, reflection and leveling.

● Level your degree of influence to each situation: Not every situation requires the same level of influence. Sometimes, stepping back allows others to take ownership and grow. Understanding how to “level” your influence based on the needs of the moment is a critical skill that helps ensure your leadership presence isn’t overpowering when it doesn’t need to be.

● Check your intention: A leadership coach once told me to always ask myself, “What is my intention here?” This simple question forces you to identify the motivations behind your actions. Are you moving forward with the greater good in mind, or is there a personal agenda creeping in? When you recognize that your influence carries weight, especially in a leadership role, it becomes easier to steer it in a direction that benefits others. If your intention is good, proceed. If not, recalibrate.

● Reflect on past influence: How has your influence shaped outcomes in the past? Looking at whether your influence led to positive outcomes or unexpected directions in the past can help guide how you deploy it in the future. Consider the influence you’ve exerted and how others have influenced you. How did it feel? Reflecting on both sides of influence gives you a clearer understanding of when and how to use it effectively, and repetition and practice will help you perfect this skill.

Leading with influence is an art

Influence is an inherent part of leadership, but how we choose to wield it is what defines us as leaders. By being intentional, reflective and adaptable, we can guide our teams without overpowering their ideas or squashing their potential innovation. The most effective leaders aren’t those who dominate every conversation or direct every decision — they’re the ones who know when to step back, let others lead and allow influence to serve the greater good.